life rattle show no. 1271

Presented on THURSDAY, August 29, 2013


Hosted by Laurie Kallis


"Valkyrie vs. Busybody"
"Where is Ninjabike?"

by Reade Domazar

tonight's Show

Tonight's program, Life Rattle Number 1271, features two stories by new Life Rattle writer Reade Domazar.

Reade Domazar, was born in a tiny apartment just off the Danforth in Toronto in 1981. At the age of four, Reade moved with his mother and little sister to Collingwood, Ontario, where he lived until the age of thirteen, terrorizing the small town with elaborate pranks. He says he returned to Toronto as a troubled teen just in time to flunk his high-school career planning class and, with the birth of his son in 2001, became a scrappy, single dad. Reade began writing when he helped found Verses with his friends, a free magazine, aimed at the skateboarding/ snowboarding and punk rock community. The magazine folded in 2006, after never making a dime. Reade Domazar currently works in the telecommunications industry and lives with his son and partner.

Along with the two stories that we will hear on tonight’s program, Reade submitted a story snippet titled “The Monkey that was an Asshole.” As soon as I read it, I wanted to roll this recollection of a life-altering childhood experience into Reade’s bio….so here goes.

The Monkey That Was an Asshole
When I was three years old, I went to the Toronto Zoo with my mom. It was warm—I remember that. The sun beat down on me in my blue shorts and red baseball cap. The air was full of summer smells. We strolled the grounds of the park, visiting the different animals, the elephants, the giraffes, the big cats; my little hand in her big hand.
We reached the monkey cages. I raced excitedly towards the front, pumping my chubby toddler legs. I leaned into the bars, got in close. I could smell the thick animal smell, the stink of the wild that wafted out of the cage.
To my delight, a little monkey, maybe it was a capuchin, shuffled over to me. We looked deeply into each other’s eyes for a moment; I remember being fascinated by its sad, wrinkled monkey face, the darkness of its pupils under those thick brows.
Without warning, it let out a heavy chortle and snatched my bright red baseball cap right off of my head and pulled it through the bars, taking some of my bright blond hair with it. The monkey began to eat my hat—nearly brand new—right in front of me. I was horrified. I didn’t understand. Why was this happening? Why didn’t somebody do something? I began to wail in anguish. Thick blobby tears bounced down my cheeks. I could hear the crowd of people behind me start to laugh, a loud and joyful roar. Still chewing on my hat, thick drool dripping from its mouth, the monkey laughed too.
This is my oldest memory, my first glimpse of how the world really works, and to this day I don’t trust monkeys.
Or humans.

As you can already tell, Reade Domazar has a distinct voice. His quirky diction and larger-than-life delivery bring a wonderful sense of humour to his street level stories.

We begin tonight’s show with, "Valkyrie vs. Busybody," a brilliant account of coitus interruptus.

Tonight’s second story, "Where is Ninjabike?" tells the story of a beloved bike that goes missing from a store front. This misadventure-story, full of hyperbole, indignation, frustration and friendship, will have you gritting your teeth right along with our narrator as he combs the streets looking for his lost love.

Please note: tonight’s final two stories include language that some listeners may find offensive. Parental discretion is advised.